When you’re carefree with the sand between your toes, a holiday romance can feel amazing – but the spark usually burns out once you get back on home soil.
That’s certainly what this reader was hoping for when her recently separated dad told her that he’d met a much younger woman in Thailand.
Only, her dad insists he’s in love – and now, he’s bringing his girlfriend to the UK, and moving her into the family home.
The reader and her siblings are worried, but are they being unfair? Could this really be love?
Before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, where a woman was having an affair with her boss – but he wouldn’t leave his wife.
The problem…
My parents separated six years ago, when my mum went off with Dad’s mate. He took it very badly and it was a terrible time for all of us, as we had all known this guy for years.
Dad was persuaded to go on holiday to Thailand with some of his buddies, and at first me and my two brothers all supported the idea, as we thought it would do him good.
I guess we shouldn’t have been surprised when he came back and excitedly told us about this much younger woman he had met there. Dad isn’t the womanising type, and if I’m honest he’s not the best looking, so we presumed it was just a holiday fling and he would soon forget her.
However, he had other ideas as he Facetimes her most evenings and has been out to see her several times since.
She has never been to this country, but he now says he intends to marry her and bring her here. We’ve never even met or spoken to her, and the idea that he is suddenly going to bring someone twenty years younger than him, to live with us, is horrific.
My two brothers are still in education, and I have only just got my first job, so no one is in a position to leave home.
What if she only wants a passport to this country, or is secretly after his money? I know it sounds terrible, but now we’re worried about our inheritance.
Laura says…
It’s often difficult to navigate the situation when a parent gets a new partner, but this one sounds trickier than most. I asked our family expert, Dr Hari Rudkin, for her views.
‘Unfortunately, there are a lot of stereotypes surrounding Thai women and British men.’ she says. ‘When you add in the age gap, it’s no wonder the situation feels uncomfortable for you and your brothers.’
But Dr Rudkin thinks you should also consider your dad’s happiness. ‘He has suffered a lot of heartbreak and betrayal, so if he’s now feeling excited and in love, then good for him.’ she says. ‘The problems only start if he makes significant decisions early on, as people’s thinking changes when they’re first in love, and they become less rational and reasonable.’
You need to show your dad love and support, and within that you can advise him not to rush things.
‘Maybe you could all go out to Thailand and meet the new girlfriend, or perhaps she could come here on holiday.’ Dr Rudkin suggests. ‘Don’t form an opinion of her until you have met.’
It’s human nature to feel the way you do, but don’t rush to judgement. Maintain a good relationship with your father and respect his need for love and happiness.
Dr Rudkin adds: ‘Your dad needs children who are thinking about his wellbeing rather than what they might get on his death. If he knows you’re there for him whatever happens, he is more likely to pay attention to your views.’
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk
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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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